now, then...

so let's see now: 10 months and 5 blogs... i'm on a roll! if you're surprised at my enthusiasm on having written just 5 blogs, well then you don't know me well enough, do ya? huh huh huh?! to spell it out... i'm lazy... LA-HAY-ZEE!

to begin with, a special mention as to where i shall be this weekend: HOME. yeah, it's taken 4+ months, but i'm finally spending a weekend in redlands. gonna work over the weekend... yes, it's against the "health" rules, but it's required.

ate some readymade, frozen, chicken biryani the other day. how was it, you ask? let’s just say the word “average” has a whole new low. for those of you with lesser brain cells than the indian cricket team’s current win record, i mean that it was bad. moving on.

73.5... nah, that's not my weight in kgs. it's the number of hours i stayed up. as stoked as i am about surpassing my previous high of 72hrs (feel the sarcasm), a kind word from someone who has been away for way too long, felt real good. but then i realized that it was just my imagination... we hadn't even spoken. i say this coz, at one point of time, i was also convinced that i am, in fact, a large african-american woman. i had been up for long... too long maybe. just ask my boss... i laughed out loud on a joke he cracked during the meeting. as it turns out, he was serious about us possibly spending the night at work. hehehehehehehe. sweet, sweet delirium.

work hours have been skyrocketing as of late... it's a rush i missed sorely while jobless. being jobless is a priceless experience. you know all those days you spend swearing you'd do anything, ANYTHING, to be as free as you were when 16? yeah, it ain't all that great. although, i DID get to catch up on all my Ayub Khan facts, so it wasn't ALL bad.

went for the year-end-lunch with my team at work. vietnamese food was on the cards. get ready for this... the place was called "Adong". A-DONG! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA aw cmon guys! A DONG???!! how can that *not* be funny?! hehehehehe maybe it's the lack of sleep, but i can't stop laughing.

outro: as i spent 30 minutes cleaning the toilet bowl (yes, this is when i do most of my reminiscing!), i couldn't help but remember those friends back home who always say, and i quote, "tu toh america mein hai, teri life toh set hai. (you're in america, your life is set)". listen, jackasses, this is what life in america is all about: sleepless nights, frozen food & cleaning your own toilets. no i ain't cribbin... pls, just be aware that there are no million dollar packages, no 40hr weeks and absolutely *NO* blonde chick dying to give you a sponge bath in the morning. just like back home, life is tough, the bills need to be paid & yes, chicks are hard to get. "teri life toh set hai"... idiots.

for what it's worth, i luv it here. gnite dudes & dudettes.

ah, well...

so it's been ages since i wrote something useful. ok, all you smart asses out there, i admit it... its prolly been 24 years since i wrote something useful (LOL), but i digress. this weekend has been particularly interesting. keeping the tradition of my eternal "ramta jogi"-ness alive, i planned to get away to another city this friday as well. but lets start with why i *really* wanted a break. read on...

this past week flew by faster than contracts off of ayub khan's table, as soon as he crooned "raat chhoti, baat badi". hahahahahahhahahahhahahahaaahaha... ahem... sorry. i was totally swamped with work, which is a good thing. keeps your mind from wandering about life in general. one thing that i've learnt over the past few months at my new job, is to never check my work-email during the weekend. it's better to experience that pure, unadulterated "wat-the-f***" moment on monday, when your inbox has more "to-do" emails sent out by seniors, than the number of playmates that have graced the cover of playboy. (this analogy is courtesy of certain friends at USC who have an enviable collection of the aforementioned classy magazine.)

at last count i averaged 10 hours a day & was asked by my boss to "slow down"; if only he knew how much a hyperactive brain demands from the body. as good as it feels to complain about it, u want to work... u want to be busy, all the time. but that's only uptil friday. and then, TGIF... such a sweet relief!

friday was fun. reached worked early, left work at 6pm and had to catch a train to LA. after a colleague dropped me off at the station, the next coupla hours were spent getting intimate with my ipod, seeing vdos of how i surprised my friends last decemeber. i must've seen these 400 times... they're still priceless. i miss those guys.

anyways, i reached LA union station at 9pm. 1 hour, 7phone calls and 1 lost-friend later (LOL), i took a cab to 710. apparently the dude got lost while trying to pick me up. (fyi, i reached before him! hehehehe). it made for some very hilarious conversation later on. i'm grateful to God that no one (except coupla regulars) wanted to "party" that night. we actually sat and talked, for a change. fine, we did realize that most of us are pretty boring, but my female friends have instructed me that i'm supposed 2 say it was fun (read: YAWWWN! hehehe)

saturday: this was crazy. 3 movies... that's right, three! in one day.

1. rocky - the rebel... starring zayed khan (pls stop laughin guys!). "rocky, rock the world"... that's how the movie starts... with ZK singing his own song, referring to himself in the 3rd person. the rest of the movie was spent irritating a certain someone about how ZK's "rocky" is better than Superman. personally, though, i thought it was a very brave movie, and full marks to the cast for trying to complete a film without a director... or script... or... audience, for that matter.

2. flushed away... animated movie with voice overs from hugh jackman & kate (drool drool) winslet. good stuff... the slugs were too damn funny!

3. dil chahta hai... why? why not?! just ayub khan's reaction is worth it. all u useless bfs out there, have a look-see! aisa bhi hota hai! ("this is so embarassing... mere saath aisa nahin ho sakta" hahahhahaha) i truly feel farhan akhtar took ayub khan just to make fun of him hehehhee. poor dude... "raat chhoti, baat not so badi!"

this was followed by 3 hours of intense gaming by marutji & i... ps2 is ALWAYS fun! :D tomorrow, we've planned a good lunch at "shalimar". am looking forward to it. should be reallllll good if it's anything like the parent branch in san jose.

neways, that's the latest for now. thank God for people like zayed khan and ayub khan... the true comedians of indian cinema.

7 Steps To A Better Night's Sleep - Sleep Disorders

A good article from MSN.

7 Steps To a Better Night's Sleep - Sleep Disorders - MSN Health & Fitness

quote...

"is someone gonna take exception? sure they are! but you know what? i'm not doing my job unless there's some degree of controversy. you know, if i'm not pissing somebody off in the world, i'm not doing my job. quite frankly, i do that very easily, without even trying sometimes. if we go too far, then we can always pull back. but you gotta laugh at this stuff; you have to. you can't take everything seriously."

--Vince McMahon.

that's why i'm starting with me...

I've had an interesting weekend, to say the least. This is gonna be a short one, with more contribution from MJ than myself. It's Dussehra today, and as I look back at the past month, I'm amazed at how much some close ones have whined to me; pointless complexities & self-created difficulties, direct results of excess coffee & an over-imaginative brain with a little too much time. As I logged onto cry.org again today, it struck me how many wouldn't know that Dussehra was an occassion to be celebrated; the truth of the matter is, most of them wouldn't know what a celebration meant.

It's okay to vent, people, but there has to be a limit. So, I wanna just take a step back, and re-assess what this coming week is going to be like. How is Tushar Sahney going to live this 1? And what about you? How are you going to spend this week? There are others out there with real diffculties; real people, with real problems, with real consequences.

Guess I'm just as "guilty" as the people whose whining I was complaining about. That's why I'm starting with me :)

Man in the Mirror

I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life
It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right...

As I, turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind? Pretending not to see their needs
A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other on the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
(Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be really me, pretending that they're not alone?

A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed-out dream (Washed-Out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind, ya' see
Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

I'm starting with the man in the mirror, (Oh yeah!)
I'm asking him to change his ways (Better change!)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make the change

You gotta get it right, while you got the time
'Cause when you close your heart
You can't close your... your mind!
Then you close your... mind!
That man, that man, that man, that man
With that man in the mirror (Man in the mirror, oh yeah!)

Make that change...

why we luv the 1st of july...

ah well, so it's been ages since my last blog. but then can you blame me for being a lazy under-achiever? you, the person who is actually sitting here and reading this? hehehehe... i thought as much! well this blog is all about why we luv the 1st of july (& for those of u who are unaware, its my bday).

24 years and a blog about my bday now, why? : 1st things 1st, im proud u asked me that question. well lets begin with a little "i,me,myself": i like bdays... no, i luv bdays. being endowed with a penis, im obviously incapable of giggling and hugging every1 i see on any close one's bday, but i do try 2 keep a creepy smile on the entire time. hehehehe (freaks the hell outta every1!) this bday i felt a little less alone and its an awesome feeling to knw sum1 is there (but thats all important "maal" for another blog! lol!) that's why i feel like writing this blog.

in the last 8 days ive travelled to 7 different cities, given 3 (exhausting!) phone interviews and celebrated my bday with people in 4 different time zones. moving to California has enabled me to celebrate my bday for 36 hrs (starting india-time) instead of the regular 24... but then, i celebrate my bday for a week. things got a little hectic around the 30th of june (don't ask) and at the end of the day, we landed up with no cake in sight (*sigh*). so i did wat any person in my situation wud do: i cut a "rasgulla"!! hehehehe (its an indian sweet). the fact that my whole family was here, made it awesome.

yesterday saw me sitting through a 5 hour interview. it did my back no good, but definitely helped my self-confidence. b4 this, i was fully preparing to open a vada-pav stall in bombay! (uh, i shudnt speak 2 soon... they havent responded back as of yet! lol!) u knw y i did well? coz i was in my bday mood. its awesome. it makes me feel like i can do things i really cant do on other days; the kinda thing full-moons do to you ;) (fellow freaks of the world: you knw wat i'm talkin abt!!) it makes me nostalgic about those earlier bday parties, when every1 wore cone-caps and ate cake and wafers (that often got squished together!) on those seldom used paper plates. it reminds me of where ive come from, how much ive learnt over the years and how much i miss my close friends.

and when people from all over call,email,sms,scrap,IM to wish you, you knw they miss you too. and u knw u matter.

the best gift i've ever received: 3 days without access to the internet, my computer and for most of this apocalyptic period, even my cell phone. computer engineering may seem like "something i do", but sooner than i knew it wud, its "something ive become"... i am my work. so wired and surrounded by technology, that i could barely breathe without it. i say could, because now ive learnt to look around the room atleast once every 2 hours. although i went half mad, these 3 days were a relief. for those of you who didn't know, cubicles in offices aren't just given so you can have your personal space (although they may try to fool u with this BS! dont u fall for it!), the main reason for cubicles is that with just 3 basic cardboard-like walls, you are under the impression that you have your own office. subconsciously, you feel trapped... here's wat the HR guys dont tell u: you can just walk out! lol! the laptop is this incredible invention that does away with the need of those flimsy 3 walls. while once upon a time my vision was used for looking at the scenery, the horizon, the top-heavy women of california, etc, it is now only used for seeing things in a rectangular 15inch frame. (future girlfriends, and women in general, should make a mental note about this. if im sitting too close and looking down on you, im not reachin for your cleavage, its just how i am now!)

an interesting thought: a pretty new friend (and by "pretty new" i mean, she's "pretty" and "new"! lol!) asked me if i had any wishes and/or resolutions. my wishes were the same as any hungry and horny 24yr-old male: naukri and chhokri! (for those of u who just said "sheee" slap urselves across the face thrice, and read on.) as for the resolution part, i was a lil stunned: i've never made one! then it hit me, like nirvana, or like the apple that fell on newton, or maybe like the bhaaji roll that the vegetable vendor near dadar station once threw at my head... but i digress. i koolly told her: "im as perfect a tushar sahney as i can be, and i dont intend to change that". i'm not perfect, but just perfectly human. this line makes me feel good about myself. with all my shortcomings and all my imperfections... its who i am :)

so why do you care abt the 1st of july?: you care, coz it's a reminder to feel "awesome" every day of that bday week. if you haven't figured it out yet, you care, coz it's why you should luv ur own bday. you care, coz sumbody just put into words, what you've felt for so long: "yes, i'm a lil special on my bday!"

and finally, you care about this date, coz the person whose blog will make you smile & nod long after your'e done reading this, was born on the 1st of july ;)

end of an era...

well fine, i'll admit it... it isnt that big a deal! but when uve been studyin for almost 20 yrs, it makes u half senti-mental, and as is true in my case, completely mental. USC is done with & i no longer have 2 study for any exams, no more hws, no more results...hmmm, this may not be as bad as it seems!

its been quite an experience: staying away from family & friends, eating 2 meals a day (including those amazing cold 3am dinners at subway!), sloggin my ass off for my courses & also working... oh lets not forget that! but i luved it all... hah! and aced it as well :)

somehow, i feel so ready for this next step... the work-life. ive heard rumors that companies have been conspiring to make me continue for a Ph.D. ... guess sumone alerted them about my attendance record. so for all those HR guys reading this: i solemnly swear to attend work to the best of my capabilities, or 4 days a week... whichever is lesser.

now, for the very 1st time in my life, im completely free of any studies and work (read: im unemployed). ah! this is the life!! my diminishing bank balance (which shall be mentioned in the future blogs as well, so lets give him a name... BOB seems good)... so BOB is disappearing faster than food off of Adnan Sami's plate... or H1B visas off of an american consulate.

this brings me to my job search, which, and im serious here, may be the only thing that can keep BOB alive. i need 24hr access to the internet coz i need to visit those standard "job sites" online. now, my laptop, SAM, for some reason has decided to work well only when im chatting or playing games. every other time his pace is slower than that of a pregnant cow... or of my ex-roommate bawa taking a shower... which, by extended studies, has been proven to exceed the time required for conceiving that calf we were talking about, right upto its puerperium. in other words, its getting difficult to search for employment.

anyways, the idea of a dignified job search is absolutely mind-numbing... but thats for another day... another blog.

my 1st blog...

it's a saturday night & here i sit in LA, inside the University campus, pondering over what to do next. its frustrating really; not knowing how to kill time.

i've been a Research Assistant for the better part of my 2-year Masters in Computer Science course at the University of Southern California. working 40-60 hours a week, with a full-time course load has uptil now been like 2nd nature to me. a bad back, somehow, doesn't seem a good enough excuse for being stuck in my apartment. i wish this passes soon... i luv being a workaholic.

staying away from home makes one realize one's worth in the real world. it also shows one who one's real friends are. its been a real eye-opener. the actions i, & those close to me, have taken over the past few days have made me realize one thing: my dad's right... believe in everyone, but trust only a few.

shall continue later...